just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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