Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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