I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I lost the right to judge tonight
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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