Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
