We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
