Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
