thus making me awesome and them whores
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
