I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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