If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize