i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
