I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
