6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
