i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
