Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
