Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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