you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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