i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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