Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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