my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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