So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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