i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize