Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize