is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
