addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
