Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
be right there i have to get my cape
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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