if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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