Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
