Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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