5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
