I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
