I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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