M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
