not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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