woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize