Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you had me at cake vodka
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
