Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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