I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
