I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish you could order shots online.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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