The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
