You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
