If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
