you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
