in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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