you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
