I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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