omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dignity is for republicans.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
