i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize