First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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