Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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