New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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