I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
