I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
