I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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