the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
