No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
