he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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