i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
