Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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