Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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