My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
