Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
