hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
