she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize