Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dear god my vagina.
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