I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
