So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I need to stop coming to work sober
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Randomize
