im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
