meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She bit a glass in half.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
