I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
