For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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